‘I Don’t Want To Fail’: If you’re so afraid of being bad (or, worse, just OK) at something that you’d rather not try it at all, here’s a news flash: You’re a perfectionist. Perhaps you hardly ever work out because you’d feel terrible if you killed yourself at the gym but couldn’t lose the last 10 pounds or hone that six-pack. Carrying this to the extreme, you may also believe that you are only lovable and worthwhile if your performance at everything is nothing less than outstanding. Try this: The next time you’re hemming and hawing over something you could crash and burn at, take a page from Sheryl Sandberg and tell yourself, Done is better than perfect. Chances are, no one will notice if the results aren’t up to your exacting standards; they’ll just be impressed that you got results, period, Huffington Post reports.
‘I’m Afraid Of Being Successful’: On the flip side, some of us become paralysed by imagining that if we excel, we will be expected to keep performing at that level. Or we freak out that the achievement would change our lives in unpredictable and uncontrollable ways. Concerns you may have: If I ask for that promotion and get it, who’s going to help out with the kids if I have to put in more hours at the office? Are my work friends going to stop inviting me to lunch? Try this: Accept uncertainty. The reality is that any choice you make (even if you decide to keep things status quo) will have upsides and downsides. Imagining the potential negatives (My friend at work will be so jealous) and telling yourself that it will work out (She’ll deal, or else I’ll find a new confidant) can help you stop obsessing and start doing. Worried that you’ll be less available for your loved ones? That’s a classic fear of success. Keep in mind that if and when you accept a new position or job, you can set boundaries at the outset. Thing is, you can’t do that unless you apply first.
‘I Don’t Want To Be Told What To Do’: You aim – fine, you need – to be in charge. You probably grew up with an authoritarian parent who was very controlling. Unfortunately, now you’re asserting yourself by delaying things that must be addressed, like making basic updates to your circa-1950s kitchen. Your story is, “Hey! No one can order me around!” – even though no one really is — “I’ll do it on my terms!” Which may be never. Try this: When you find yourself resisting a change, ask yourself how you’re really feeling at heart. Indecision often masks anxiety, sadness or anger. Perhaps your parents were always fighting about money, so even though you have the cash to renovate, you feel stressed-out about spending it. Figuring out which emotion is stopping you from acting can make a decision clearer because it becomes more obvious that the conflict over taking action is coming from you. In other words, you are fighting only yourself.
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