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Young lovers in burqas flaunt Afghanistan’s rules of attraction

By Emmanuel Duparcq

This educated minority of urban women challenge Afghan traditions that fathers must choose the husbands for their daughters

BENEATH a blue burqa, which glides through the shadow of the Hazrat Ali shrine, a pair of feet with delicately painted nails makes its way towards the gardens where some of Mazar-i-Sharif’s young women meet their lovers in secret.

The northern city’s young men openly discuss this educated minority of urban women, who discreetly challenge Afghan traditions that fathers must choose the men their daughters marry and that brides cannot see their husbands in advance.

“Today, girls can meet boys in government offices, in aid agencies, non-governmental organisations, at university,” explains Aimal, a 24-year-old dressed in jeans and a western shirt who works for the United Nations in Mazar.

Virtually impossible under the ultra-Islamic Taliban, these meetings are a prelude to “love marriages”, still an extremely rare phenomenon in Afghanistan but becoming increasingly popular in towns.

“People who make love marriages are educated people, people who have a job, which is still rare in Afghanistan today,” adds Aimal. “Only educated people can meet other young people and have a boyfriend or a girlfriend before getting married,” says Hamidullah, a 25-year-old journalist sitting at a table full of men at a restaurant in central Mazar.

At Koti Barq, a small residential area built by the Soviets near the city, three young men talk about girls in a pharmacy owned by Sabur, a jovial, goateed 23-year-old who is also dressed in jeans.

“The vast majority of Afghan marriages comply with traditions; so they’re more or less forced marriages,” Sabur says. More than three years after the fall of the Taliban, social customs in much of Afghanistan continue to be repressive. Many young people, particularly women, continue to be forced or pressured into marrying spouses who are not of their choice.

Those who shun arranged marriages often meet in towns like Mazar, particularly at work or at university.

“Hospitals too,” says Ershad, 30, a doctor from the western city of Herat, the only one of the three wearing traditional Afghan dress. “Lots of people come to hospitals only to see girls. And all the doctors I know have a girlfriend.”

After the initial meeting, young lovers have to make an effort to keep in touch. “But today, it’s easy to contact boys or girls with mobiles,” says 26-year-old Jamshit, the third of the young men at Sabur’s pharmacy. “Before that, if you wanted to meet a girl and to send her a message, you had to give it to her little brother, with a candy for him. With one risk, the message being caught by the father.

“Now, 80 percent of young people in Mazar have a mobile. It’s like a fashion, and with it you can set up meetings without any problem.” All that’s left is to find a spot for a rendezvous.

“In Mazar, there are several places where you can meet girls: hotels, some restaurants, shops, hospitals,” says Ershad. “And pharmacies,” he adds with a glance at Sabur. The young pharmacist smiles. Quietly, he shows a red curtain behind the counter. “This is a very good place for secret meetings. And there’s no risk: it’s normal for a girl to come here to buy drugs,” he says.Those who have no secret place can always go to the gardens at the Hazrat Ali shrine, Afghanistan’s holiest, where Ali, the cousin and son-in-law of the prophet Mohammed is buried.

There, in the shadow of the mosaics and turquoise domes, “girls come to the shrine in burqa, call their boyfriend with their mobile and tell him: meet me there, under this tree, at this table’s corner”, says Sabur.

During the recent Afghan New Year in Mazar, dozens of young people could be seen dancing, singing and greeting each other at the shrine. But there were virtually no young girls out at a time, which their parents no doubt judged to be unacceptable.

Instead they came to the pine-fringed pathways of Hazrat Ali two days later, for the traditional new year “Women’s Day” picnic, strictly reserved for women. But the men are never far away. A few days before, Aimal, Sabur, Ershad and Jamshit - but not Hamidullah, who already has a girlfriend - said they were going to have a walk round the area “just to have a look”. afp

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